Watch: A Guy Shoplifts a Python by Shoving It Down His Pants

A guy in Portland, Oregon went to a pet store on Friday afternoon, and stole a two-foot-long ball PYTHON . . . by shoving it down his PANTS.

It was a ball python, which isn’t venomous. They get their name because their main defense when they’re threatened is to curl into a ball, not bite. That being said . . . I still wouldn’t want one anywhere NEAR my junk.

The woman who owns the pet shop says, quote, “He’s lucky it wasn’t feeding day. Feeding days are on Mondays. And they’re very hungry.”

Ball pythons eat small animals like mice . . . so if this guy’s timing had been a little worse, it might’ve also gone for his lil’ piece of man flesh.

The snake was selling for $200, and the surveillance cameras got a GREAT shot of the guy putting it down his pants.

But he was wearing a hat, so they didn’t get a good look at his face, and the cops are still trying to track the guy down.

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